Funny rules for dating

This is why you see fat, ugly, or dumpy guys with hot chicks. You will attract more women when you don't care if you're attracting women. Things involving some activity are best: pool, bowling, roller blading, mini-golf, dancing, etc. RULE 10: Do not give gifts early in the relationship. RULE 20: Never date a girl who has more problems than you do. RULE 25: Realize that women are tricky, lying, manipulative, devious, scheming, sneaky, cunning, calculating, shrewd, and Machiavellian creatures. Chances are also good that if you DO succeed in getting back with your ex, you'll wish that you hadn't. If it's wrong, that's a good lesson for next time... RULE 6: After getting a girl's phone number, wait at least two days to call her to avoid appearing desperate. Not to talk about weather, current events, how her day went, etc. RULE 8: If you call a girl and get an answering machine, don't leave a message. Girls, as a general rule, do not return phone calls. Doing so makes it appear as though you are attempting to purchase affection. RULE 15: If a woman disrespects you or your time, particularly early in the relationship, don't hesitate to get rid of her. RULE 16: No relationship is a committed one until both people agree that it is. The harder something is to obtain, the more valuable it is perceived to be. RULE 28: Don't reveal too much about yourself too soon. re stupid, or did you merely want to APPEAR stupid?? Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight.Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car-there is no need for you to come inside. by Giovanni Casanova The following list has been compiled as the result of insights on these forums as well as my own personal experiences.Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been.

If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter? Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget.I have to admit, though, I really don't believe that any single rule can be applied objectively; People, states, relationships and moods are just too different.If I had it my way, we'd make fun of the notion of rules. More on glamour.com__A Funny Take on Valentine's Day Sex With a Stranger Meet the New Fashion Blogger: Crystal Renn. Bruce Cameron Please do not remove the copyright from this essay When I was in high school I used to be terrified of my girlfriend? But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi.s father, who I believe suspected me of wanting to place my hands on his daughter? He would open the door and immediately affect a good-naturedly murderous expression, holding out a handshake that, when gripped, felt like it could squeeze carbon into diamonds. Remembering how unfairly persecuted I felt when I would pick up my dates, I do my best to make my daughter? If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home.

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Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you? You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter.

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